I am sorry for letting you down
As I write this in a language that is not truly mine
A language that I was taught to excel in
Whilst you stuttered and hesitated upon my anglicised tongue.
I feel ashamed, not for your traces in my speech, but for its gradual disappearance from it
As I fumble and fret over a simple word.
I use, instead, its counterpart that so easily flows from my tongue.
I feel angry for never having placed you on the pedestal
As I blithely celebrate my competence in the language of my coloniser
But You have always been there much like a mother living up to her name
Eagerly waiting at the tip of my tongue.
And yet, when I hear you, it is like music to my ears
As you draw me into your ever welcoming arms
And on days that I am overcome with fear or grief, it is you, and only you that emerges from my being
Rekindled, resurgent, reassured.
Snehal is a freelance writer and poet based in Surrey (UK). Her writing primarily reflects her motherhood journey, memories of her own childhood and the essence of everyday moments which she tries to document on her Facebook blog page,‘ Notes On The Go’. She has authored three poetry chapbooks, ‘Pause’, ‘I Am’ and ‘In Between Love’. You can find her on Instagram: @mommy.snippets
